What if Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter were in the White House?

From "The Half Hour News Hour":

Stephen Colbert updates the nation via MySpace

Dear Nation,

I know I haven't done one of these Blog thingy's for a while, but since there is a writers strike and there won't be new episodes of The Colbert Report until it's over, I figured what the heck? I understand that you people need updates on the most important thing in your life, me!

Let's see, since my last entry I have almost won an Emmy, (First Manilow, now Tony Bennett! Who's next to steal my Emmy, Wayne Newton?) then bravely triumphed over a life threatening wrist injury, released the best selling book "I Am America (And So Can You)," was again denied a Noble Prize and became best MySpace friends with Jessica Alba's Official Page that was probably set-up by the movie studio of Good Luck Chuck. Apparently she insisted that I was added to her friends list because she thinks I am "One smoking hot slab of man beef that she can't wait to get a taste of." Sorry Jessica, but I am technically married. Now if there is any validity to the quote I just made up for you, please contact me and I'm sure we can work something out. My wife is a very understanding woman.

Hmm… what else have I done recently? Oh that's right, I ran for President of South Carolina. Initially, I figured I would kill my free time during the writers strike by campaigning. I was planning on spreading the blast of Zesty Nacho Cheese Doritos across the state. As I'm sure you already know, my campaign came to an abrupt end when the executive committee of the South Carolina Democratic Party voted 13-3 to not allow me the opportunity to run. Apparently some committee members felt like my candidacy was a joke. Why would I make a joke about something that is already a joke? I mean it is the Democratic Party.

Colbert may not be the best candidate for president, but he is definitely the funniest candidate for president, hands down.